I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
