she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
