Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
