Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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