I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
