Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
foreskin is a definite game changer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
