would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
