Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
