hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
