there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
