look no pants
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
