We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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