thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
