Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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