So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
