He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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