I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
