We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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