There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone shattered a urinal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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