You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
