You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
