The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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