Jerry, you need to find god
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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