I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
