does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
