"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
