I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
