Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
