I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
