So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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