Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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