we're blogging at a bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
