i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
