3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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