I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
