I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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