Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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