I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
