I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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