who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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