I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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