I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
