I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
