Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
