coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
