I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
