The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She even gives head with a lisp.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
