I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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