when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
