Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
