Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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