I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
