I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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