ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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