Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
