Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You left your phone here
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