Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
