Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you had me at cake vodka
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
